I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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