Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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