Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
