guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
