I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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