My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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