yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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