Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
