Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
