Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
