i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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