My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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