Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
