And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
