i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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