xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
