I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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