cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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