my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He passed out mid-signature
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
