I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This house was built for laser tag.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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