he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
