Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
