he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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