I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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