So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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