Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
