do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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