So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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