Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
