Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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