:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
