If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
