where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
