I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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