walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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