exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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