The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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