Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
