i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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