And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry about my life...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
