I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
