Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
