I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
