"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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