I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
