you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
