In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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