The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
