I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
