I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
