guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
