Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize