you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Let's get the cat blown out
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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