I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
