Your dad touched me again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
