Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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