so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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