Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
