he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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