Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize