Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
