it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
