FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
