sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We smell like vodka and hangover
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
