He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
