And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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