Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
