I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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