Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
