So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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