LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
