the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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