just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
