U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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