Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
