i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize