I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
