WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
